I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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