I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize