So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
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He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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