Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
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This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
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Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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