i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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