Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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