Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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