Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize