I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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