bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize