...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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