she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
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Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
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Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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