I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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