her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
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Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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