I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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