I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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