feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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