you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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