you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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