best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize