turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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