im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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