I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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