connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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