and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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