I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
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I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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