Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
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Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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