Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize