cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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