your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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