i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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