you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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