I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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