I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize