my shit smells like andre
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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