I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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