high people should be assigned attendants
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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