Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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