i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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