i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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