hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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