Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize