If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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