I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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