I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize