i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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