I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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