So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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