Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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