There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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